July 16, 2002 - 1:40 PM
I had one of my "lets try to come out of the closet a little more" moments on Thursday before I left for Mildura. Comments were flying around between Nessa and myself about girlfriends, boyfriends and so on and so forth and I passed an obvious comment but either it didn't click, or she didn't care or she didn't want to acknowledge what I said. Who knows? Maybe she can tell me what she thinks when she actually gets around to reading my diary (like she ever will, lazy person that she is... And because I've said that, she will now read my diary and get mad at me).
All this did for me was just reconfirm my opinion that it's just not that big an issue - to me, anyway. Most of my friends know about me and mine and those who might have problems with it don't say anything about it - so it's obviously not that big a deal. To be honest, I've not told any family members outright. I know they'd make a big deal out of it at first and then realize that I might as well "just be straight" because I'm with SK (who is very much male). So long as when I finally get around to pummelling it through their thick skulls (subtle hints really don't work in my family - a hammer to the forebrain is needed) that I am bi (fuck, I hate labels) they don't go spaz or stupid at me. I just don't want to tell them and then have them come back at me with the same bullshit that Dinidan did - that you can't be both bi and be faithful to a partner of the opposite sex. I will shoot anyone who says that to me again.
Speccie has proved to be quite entertaining with his game of 20 Questions that he pulls on me every so often. It's fun giving him honest, straight-out answers. I don't feel the need to dance around the topic and be PC with him. Then again, since when has Speccie or I ever been PC around each other? Yeesh.
Heh.
I don't feel like being at work today. It's nice to be busy though. But I'm hungry. And I hate being hungry and busy at the same time. I'd rather be not hungry or not busy.
I finished off a whole (minus one) packet of Kingston cookies last night. I couldn't help it. They're so small and crunchy and oh so yummy buttery good. I hadn't eaten anything all day though, so maybe it evens itself out? Yeah? I'll just think that to make myself feel better I think.
Speaking of making myself feel better, can someone please come over to my house and clean it up?
As expected, while I was away, SK did nothing as per fucking usual. Only this time is was worse than nothing - he did COMPLETELY nothing - he didn't even take the Maggot to dog training on Saturday like he is supposed to! FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK! No, do you know what he did? Played Neverwinter Nights and forgot to go to bed. I couldn't believe it.
I could have killed him if I wasn't so near death myself yesterday morning (head throbbing after driving several hours in a car that was unfamilar, on a road that was unfamiliar, in a part of the state that was definitely unfamiliar - I get lost in my own suburb sometimes - and late at night). I missed him by mere seconds I think, the smell of his stinky spray stuff was still on the air. Uncle Paulie had delivered me back home at about 6.30ish in the morning and I walked into the house and winced immediately. I felt like screaming the house down and had Paulie not wanted to see his ex-dog (Maggot) then I probably would have thrown the biggest wobbly known to mankind.
The house is a disaster. The rubbish is STILL everywhere. The man didn't even put the bin out to be emptied on Friday - it's full. He did nothing. There's going to be some serious talking tonight. Serious. I've made out as though I'm not bugged by it, but seriously, I am.
I've come to realize that yes, I am exceedingly messy. But my mess gets cleaned up by me. I think SK is expecting me to do what his mum does and clean up around him whilst he's busy doing other fun non-cleaning stuff. I don't work that way. I've told him several hundred times that I am not going to be a fucking housemaid for him.
There is a discarded bottle of softdrink STILL on the hallway floor - it as dropped there over four weeks ago and I am NOT going to be the one to get rid of it.
Am I making it worse on myself by not cleaning up? Yes. Am I making it worse by not yelling at him straight away about it? Most likely.
I've been told I should treat him like a dog. Tell him off firmly as soon as I catch him doing something bad. Scratch him when he does something good. Sheesh. He's a fucking adult. I want to choke him and make him act like one!
It's times like this I find myself thinking that I should have a lot more respect for my mother and everything that she did for me. A lot more.
Shit. I dunno what I'm going to do. K's suggested method of not doing any of HIS cleaning just isn't working. He finds and does the stuff that he needs - which is why I don't understand how he can't do anything else.
He's blind when he says "I couldn't find anything to do".
I am going to take polaroids tonight and post them up.
Anyway... I found these questions on another diary in DW. This one I think.
1) ________ is my favorite food.
2) I wish I could bring my ________ to work.
3) All car interiors should smell like ________.
4) I can't live without ________ in the morning.
5) My first kiss was ________.
Answers:
1. Lasagna
2. Cats
3. Alpine Forests™
4. Ventolin
5. With a boy. Several subsequent kisses until the age of 15 were with boys. All kisses from the age of 16 up until December 2, 1999 were with girls.
