August 23, 2002 - 3:03 PM
Well... I had it. Then I lost it. Of my own violition, but I lost it anyway.
My website is no more (or should be no more shortly).
Due to problems that could not be reconciled, I've had to cancel my subscription to what I thought would be an excellent host. And for the most part, they were, except for the fact that they could not get CGI/Perl set up properly.
Due to the fact that I didn't know if was something to do with them or something to do with me, I decided to pull the plug rather than be stuck with a mostly useless site (I want my blog dag-fucking-nammit!).
Anyway... that's the way the cookie crumbles I guess.
*****
I had a couple of shocking dreams last night. They were both nightmares of sorts, but the first one was so much scarier than the second one. That's probably a factor in why I can't remember the first one all that well except for the fact that there were there were some horribly disfigured beings in the dream that were ganging up on me. I woke up at around 3.15am and woke SK up and told him that I was frightened. I was also thirsty as hell but didn't want to leave the bed because I was scared and it was freezing... I guess I was hoping he'd be gallant and leap from the bed to slay the demons and get me a glass of water while he was at it.
As it was, I fell asleep again shortly after that point and the next dream took on a very Buffy-ish atmosphere and turned somewhat... erotic is the wrong word... but the dream insinuated many things.
The freaky thing is that... and someone's going to get a kick out of this...
Spectre was there. Only he was the evildoer (again, a fact that I am sure he'd be delighted with *L*).
Somehow this evil gang of vapires had invaded and took up residence in the house where I used to live right up until I turned seventeen. Now, I remember trying to travel back to this house with my partner - Klaudy of all people, there's something Freudian there too, I'm sure - and either finding or being given a book somewhere in the procedings. This book seemed harmless at first sight, but upon reading it, it gave clues and hints as to where the next bad guy was going to pop up to attack either me or Klaudy to stop us from actually getting to the house. I distinctly remember killing two small were-wolves at a park I used to frequent...
*grins*
Yes, I'm insane, but this dream was almost fun in it's sub-scariness.
Anyway... something happened to Klaudy which put her out of the picture and I remember finally walking up my street, the one with the overhanging trees, and light from a very big full moon filtering through the leaves and me hearing laughter (evil laughter of course) coming from my house and various spots of darkness that seemed to press in on me. Then I was looking up at the front staircase that lead up to the front door (we lived in a house on the side of a hill).
All I can remember thinking was that I was going to "kill the fucker" for what he was doing to "my world" while looking up at my house from the street.
(I will go and take some photos and just show you what this place looks like now...)
See? Buffy, I swear, it's all Buffy - and I don't even watch the show anymore!
Anyway... here's where the psuedo-erotic part comes in... I was butt-naked beneath a long leather jacket. I can remember the details of that jacket down to the way the stitching on the inside of the lining scraped against my skin. The only other thing I had on was a thigh-holster with a fucking big gun in it.
Buffy with a Tomb Raider twist? I even had a body like AJ!
Anyway, I walked up those steps, much to the merriment of the imps and devils and other evil beings of various description that had finally emmerged from the shadows and the door opened before I'd even reached out to knock. Then I was in a room facing ... Spectre.
It didn't look like Spectre in the sense that it was a photo-replica, but the same facial expressions, same eyes - and that bloody pendant that I sent him was hanging around his neck. The presence just oozed sensuality and confidence... and mean-ness.
I remember even while I was feeling hate and knowing I was supposed to kill this guy, I was extremely comfortable and knew that nothing bad would happen to me while he was around.
That's when this being that was Spectre grinned.
And that is when my 5.30am alarm went off.
ARGH!
